


It's a Very Dewey Cox Christmas Special!

by tablelamp



Category: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)
Genre: Christmas Special, Gen, Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 07:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tablelamp/pseuds/tablelamp
Summary: Starring...Dewey Cox!





	It's a Very Dewey Cox Christmas Special!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



_Note: This Christmas special comes to us from Dewey Cox's personal collection, and dates from 1974. It has the distinction of being the only television Christmas special to be canceled partway through due to a failure to find any commercial sponsors. Any visual or auditory flaws stem from the quality of the source material._

The special begins with a close-up of Dewey's face. In the background, city lights are visible, although where he is isn't clear yet. He smiles at the camera and begins to sing.

"Skate hard...hard...down life's icy road..."

The camera pulls back to reveal that Dewey is standing on skates in the middle of the ice at Rockefeller Center. He's wearing a suitably festive winter coat, what appears to be a hand-knit scarf that he ineptly knitted himself, and big fluffy earmuffs, as well as plaid bell-bottoms that look incredibly impractical for skating. He continues to sing.

"Skate bold...hard...that's my creed, my code..."

At this point, Dewey pushes off with one skate-wearing foot and it becomes blindingly apparent that he's not skilled at ice skating. Gamely, Dewey presses on with his song, skating very, very slowly, arms out for balance, flailing every so often as he comes close to losing his balance.

"I've had coal in my stocking and coal dust too...had to struggle every day my whole life through..."

Dewey stops, wobbling, hands out in front of him, and apropos of nothing, does an accidental half-turn so that his back is to the camera. He spends the next portion of the song trying to turn back around, trying to look over his shoulder at the camera, neither of which he manages to do successfully. Finally he gets down on his knees, turning around on his hands and knees on the ice so that he can face the camera again. He tries to stand up, singing all the while, but that's surprisingly difficult to do on ice, so he sits down as though he meant to do that.

"Skate hard," he finishes, and then looks off camera. "Hey, any of you guys got a buttwarmer?"

The announcer chimes in as letters flash across the screen over the top of the image of Dewey, still sitting on the ice. "It's A Very Dewey Cox Christmas Special! Starring...Dewey Cox! With special guests...Sam McPherson and the Dewey Cox band!" An image of Sam and the band appear onscreen. They are all smiling at the camera and wearing festive sweaters. "Sitcom stars Timmy and Tammy McGee!" Two adorable six-year-old twins appear, smiling the widest they can, facing each other, arms folded. "Singing sensation Darlene Madison!" Darlene appears, attempting to smile but not looking as pleased as one might expect from a Christmas special. "Reindeer wrangler Edith Cox!" Edith appears next to a reindeer, not smiling at all. "All this and more of your favorite holiday songs on It's a Very Dewey Cox Christmas Special!"

_Title card, featuring Dewey with a goofy smile and snowflake sweater: And now, these messages._

When the special returns, Dewey is wearing a snowflake sweater in a set made to look like a home.

"Gee," he says, "I can't wait for all my friends to get here for my annual Christmas party! Even the band's joining in the fun."

The camera angle changes to show Sam and the rest of the band standing around a covered, heated tureen, holding mugs and looking mildly guilty.

Dewey looks at them. "Well, hey, guys. What've you got there?"

"It's hot cocoa, Dewey," Sam says, "and you don't want none of this."

Dewey considers this for a moment. "What's it do?"

"It gives you a big sugar rush," Sam says. "Makes you feel all excited and energized. You don't want it!"

Dewey perks. "Yes, I do. Can I have some?"

Sam looks at the band, and they all nod slowly. He looks back at Dewey. "Well, okay. But just this once." He sets down his own mug, grabs an empty one, and ladles some hot cocoa into the mug before handing the mug to Dewey.

Dewey takes a long sip of his cocoa and smiles. "Mmm."

A knock sounds at the door.

"I wonder who that could be?" Dewey asks, walking to the door.

It's Edith Cox and a reindeer. "I have the reindeer you ordered," she says, her voice flat, not acting at all.

"Thanks, Edith!" Dewey says enthusiastically. "And Edith?"

Edith, who was almost off the set by this time, leans back in through the doorway.

"Merry Christmas," Dewey says with a grin and a wink.

"Thanks. You too," Edith says mechanically, making a run for it.

Dewey holds the reindeer's lead. "Well, hey there, big guy. Welcome to the Cox family home. I bet you're thinking of your home too, way up north. In fact, I know a song about one of your friends up there." He leans in as though listening to the reindeer asking a question. "Huh? Which one? Well, you know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen..." And he segues effortlessly into singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" to a largely indifferent reindeer, which keeps trying to snack on his hair.

After his song is finished, Dewey asks the reindeer, "How'd you like the song?"

The reindeer continues munching on Dewey's hair.

Dewey laughs. "Me too, fella. Me too."

_Title card, featuring Dewey with a goofy smile and reindeer sweater: It's a Very Dewey Cox Christmas Special will return after these messages._

**Program ends**


End file.
